You are not Your Trials

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If you have ever had any crosses of the psychological variety, even of the spiritual variety, it can be hard to keep from identifying with them. The truth is there is nothing we suffer that came from nowhere, no situation, action, or choice. Sometimes this is horrifying, but it is comforting in the grand scheme of things because afflictions do not spontaneously appear or disappear. Yet, it can be difficult even subliminal to find ourselves beholden to our materiality in terms of causality, pain, and behavioral or perspective strife. Sin is a somewhat personal reality when it comes to effects and certainly, we are the ones who commit them, but if you have ever asked the question why, then you know there is an element to sin that is more like a disease, a pathology, and an environment and it is us committing them and their effects which are truly the transgression against reality's order. The fact of the matter is whatever your nature is blessed to struggle with, you are not defined by your crosses, let alone sins.

First, it is clear, that there were no problems before sin because there was no introduction of less than good in man until man committed evil (Genesis 1-3). Then like mold in a house, it began to eat us right where it counts most the moment, right where we chose it i.e. the heart.[1] We need God more than anything, and it broke our hearts even before we ate of the fruit when we believed that God was not for us. This brokenness continued to be passed on not only in our genetics but also in our efficient causality in everything we do, we can only do the best our nature allows and if applicable that which grace is allowed to effect in us by our nature.[2] Death entered the world in almost every sense.[3][4] Yet, "the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it," for God did not abandon man to death's domain nor to the enemy's grasp. You will notice in this and other mentions of this phenomenon across all of the magisterium that the words "total depravity," "predestination," or "perfection attained by miraculous sudden healing before earthly death" do not appear nor did they until the inadequate interpretation of Scripture came about in the Middle Ages and frankly none of these make good sense with experience or the truest definition of love which God is love (i.e the same problem that got us the broken heart in the first place). It takes undoing the problems right where they happened and by God's grace alone can this be done, but it requires the cooperation of nature i.e. free will. It really isn't that complicated, but it is sometimes that hard and no matter what the situation lighter or darker, we depend on the mercy and compassion of God. Moreover, a God who truly care about us does will our change i.e. our restoration, but it may take death for it to be fully realized given the problems our nature faces.[5] 

"God created us without us: but he did not will to save us without us." To receive his mercy, we must admit our faults. "If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just, and will forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness." [6]

"Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life.” Then the Pharisees said to him, “You are testifying on your own behalf; your testimony is not valid.” Jesus answered, “Even if I testify on my own behalf, my testimony is valid because I know where I have come from and where I am going, but you do not know where I come from or where I am going." John 8:12-14

Second, what does all this mean concerning our identity? Well, "to all who received him, who believed in his name, he gave power to become children of God, who were born, not of blood or of the will of the flesh or of the will of man, but of God" (John 1:12-13). Yeah, we struggle with sin, that is a fact that remains true all day. It is because we struggle with healing in the "heart" which does not necessarily refer to our physical heart, but rather the depths of our mind. No matter what we will be the result of God's loving causality i.e. His children. However, if we follow the brokenness of our heart rather than seeking its healing, we abandon ourselves to the domain of death. Coming from someone who in fits of self-destruction has abandoned himself to the domain of death, there is no goodness there, no love, no getting the most out of this life there. I am a child of God and though I have been called names and hated just for doing my best to be Love Itself to others, none of that is my fault. My sins I have had a hand in to be sure, but I cannot help the brokenness of my nature that brought them to actuality. What I can help is the reception and cooperation with grace and this is what it means to be a child of God, not be perfect, not to not have mental illness, but to seek healing, etc.

In conclusion, thank you for reading this Oh sweet child of God. If you have been wandering, come home we miss you and truth be told you have missed the love of God. Maybe fallen neighbors have had trouble loving you, but maybe that doesn't mean the Church isn't your home. Seek healing, make amends, endeavor to cease sinning in everything, and strive to put on the armor of light. Don't despair, don't give up. You only lose if you give up! Maybe you struggle with non-straight sexual attractions/temptation, maybe you are struggling to love yourself, maybe your life has been riddled with trauma like mine, or maybe you struggle so much with certain sins they have altered your brain chemistry. Whatever your struggle, and it is that, a struggle. That is all it is. It is not who you are, you are a child of God. You are not a "homosexual", you are not "unlovable". Maybe you are an addict, maybe a tempted sinner, but that is only what you are not who you are. Who will you choose to be? God has always chosen to see your pain when He sees your sins, not a transgression of order but of health, your brokenness does not invalidate your identity to Him. Creating distance between our identity as God’s Sons/daughters allows us to let go of the sins we have had a hand in. We offer them up in surrender to Mercy Itself and see them in their true context i.e. our brokenness and His love. There have been days I could not see the goodness in life, but I am not defined by my worst moments, only my existence in Existence Itself, Who chose me hence. He loves you, I love you enough to write this for you and I am always praying you, O sweet child of God.

I've been feelin' outta control
There's no healin' between all the roads
And there's no comfort, am I losin' my soul?
Is it too late to just let 'em go?

And someday I will wake up
And everything has changed
Until then, I will dream of better days
Still living in the sorrow and learnin' from the pain

Until then, I will dream of better days
I tried to hold on, but it slipped through my hands
Do you believe in a second chance
For all we've been through?

Don't you think we deserve so much more than this hurt?
And someday I will wake up
And everything has changed
Until then, I will dream of better days

Still living in the sorrow and learnin' from the pain
Until then, I will dream of better days
Of better days
I've been feeling so out of control

There's no healin'
And someday I will wake up
And everything has changed
Until then, I will dream of better days

Still living in the sorrow and learnin' from the pain
Until then, I will dream of better days
Someday I will wake up
And everything has changed

FN:

  1. Catechism of the Catholic Church, 397.
  2. Thomas Aquinas, Summa theologiae, I-II, q. 109, a. 2, at New Advent, www.newadvent.org.; Catechism of the Catholic Church, 388-389.
  3. Catechism of the Catholic Church, 397.
  4. Catechism of the Catholic Church, 402-406.
  5. Read more here but please note terms have a more philosophical definition than the Protestant traditions: http://www.scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s1c3a2.htm
  6. Catechism of the Catholic Church, 1847.

Written by Carter Carruthers & also available soon at Missio Dei

I am a created entity, not a person.

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