Educating for Relationship: An Approach to Youth Ministry

Christ invites us into communion with Himself and others, and today’s culture, often marked by isolation and brokenness, challenges achieving this communion. Our sins and attachments restrain us from healthy communion. As ministers to the youth (young adults to the learning toddlers), we should aspire to both live out of our relationship with Jesus and teach our understanding of what the Church has to offer in terms of communion. Contemporary youth face cultural pressures like social media and self-gratification that prioritize instant validation or enjoyment over authentic relationships, often resulting in isolation and a lack of relational depth. Youth ministry must therefore provide a counter-cultural space for authentic, discipleship-focused communion.[1] Effective youth ministry requires a relational approach that combines discipleship, empathy for youth’s unique struggles, and loving discipline, guiding them in social-emotional learning and the joy, truth, goodness, and beauty of the Gospel in a way that mirrors Christ’s love and mercy, neither forsaking truth nor humanity.

First, youth ministers and related volunteers should love youth with tenderness and understanding of their particular struggles and brokenness, accounting for subjectivity and individuality. Love is the efficient cause of true dialogical communion, requiring vulnerability and empathy, catalyzing a pathway toward weaving together the hearts of God and men (Matthew 9:36, Philippians 2:5-7, 1 Corinthians 13:7, John 17:21).[2] Love involves choosing further good, a conscious intent to will the best for the other for their sake, particularly in times of struggle/growth (1 John 3:2-3; Galatians 2:20; Romans 8:29).[3] It is the task of a minister to be a forerunner of the love of God to the Children of God as the disciples are/were for those they serve(d) (Matthew 19:14; Mark 9:36–37). The questions they must always ask are: How can I promote a relationship with God that is at least as good as my own, both individually and in a group setting? How can I reflect God’s love to these people, especially in whatever they choose to share? How can I demonstrate the joy of my own relationship with God to them? How can I think beyond myself and foster true communion with each individual in the group? Love has an epistemic aspect, once one experiences love in a small way, one is opened to greater forms of love (Luke 16:10). The minister ought to recognize and be intentional about fostering this, and even learning from the youth (Matthew 18:1-10). To make youth feel heard and understood, a minister should practice active listening and empathy to make youth feel valued and worthy of human dignity.

“Empathy is a connection with the heart, and cannot be expressed without touching our own vulnerability… ...The three relationships of [Relationship-Based Care, relationship with the patient/family, relationships among colleagues, and the nurse’s relationship with self] provide a structure with which to explore vulnerability, allowing their principles and practices to help us open our hearts and lead us to the empathy we seek when serving our patients, ourselves, and each other.”[4]

To affirm and validate the Children of God, the minister/volunteer should try to ask questions, recognize truth in a partial response, even a partially wrong response, and co-ruminate with the Children of God on a given subject, especially if personal.[5] Not always does a Child of God apparently desire to participate in the small group and so partake in the communion of faith, but they do inherently desire to have the opportunity to be included and be in a dialogical state of self-gift as mentioned in love.[6] The American Psychological Association understands inclusion as “an environment that offers affirmation, celebration, and appreciation of different approaches, styles, perspectives, and experiences, thus allowing all individuals to bring in their whole selves (and all their identities) and to demonstrate their strengths and capacity.”[7] Ironically, the same culture that lauds inclusion is exclusive to Christian ideals and practices, which produces an even greater need for creating a space to share the reality of our faith in a holy communion, marked by its difference from cultural trends. In like manner, our culture lauds individualism and superficial, virtual connections, giving an illusion of connection without reality. “Social isolation was positively associated with psychological distress and negatively associated with life satisfaction and happiness.”[8] Contemporary, Children of God have an increased perceived need to feel safe and protected, especially from condemnation, in light of the aforementioned observations.[9] While ministry is not primarily a space for physical affection, the human need for touch and comfort remains significant. Comfort and care, however, extend beyond physical touch and can be provided through other meaningful forms of connection and support. In times of tragedy, a minister/volunteer should share the aspects of faith that will both equip them to handle grief, placing events in the context of all God has done for us, and validate the reality of difficulty in the Christian life in general and the moment of tragedy in particular. Inversely, in times of grace and joy arising from God's gifts, the minister's task is to remind Christians of God’s love, revealed through His original authorship of all that is good and the providence of His grace, which transforms and transcends human folly and corruption. Children of God desire to be chosen and wanted. A minister/volunteer should show human interest in the Children of God's lives, well-being, and relationships with God. Children of God desire to be blessed and transcendent. Often our sins, the sins of others, and the enemy, each in manifestly cumbersome ways, undermine our identity as Children of God (1 John 3:1-2, cf. Luke 15). Love, at least God’s, is unconditional, undeterred by brokenness or struggle. “Love is indeed 'ecstasy,'...a journey out of the closed inward-looking self towards its liberation through self-giving”[10]

Second, youth ministers and related volunteers should guide the Children of God with a loving discipline that inspires responsible and intentional actions, and offer them objective/general metrics for relationships. As we strive to emulate Christ in our acceptance of each person, we are called to imitate His love through correction and instruction by guiding the youth to welcome all, while helping them see the reality from which sin separates and blinds us (Ephesians 6:4, Colossians 3:21, Proverbs 3:11-12, Matthew 18:15-17, Galatians 6:1, James 5:19-20, Proverbs 27:5-6).[11] Children of God are often uneducated when it comes to the objective aspects of relationships that are not easily intuited. Our culture teaches more implicitly than explicitly that love is purely emotional and without reference to objective reality and this contradicts the truth, goodness, and beauty of the Catholic faith. Studies that analyze the neurochemistry of love understand love as merely a feeling, i.e. an optional, unexplained, and material phenomenon rather than being a spiritual and material reality, resulting from both truly willing someone’s good and recognizing them as good (fulfillment of purpose and affection/desire for connection, respectively).[12] If love as a concept is divided into two parts, the first is our desire or willingness to love: our relationships are shaped by our love for God, from human desires to live in harmony, experience peace, and be loved, and our affection for a particular person, which stems from our longing to be united with those we love.[13] Being intentional about love also means being intentional about fostering and applying these feelings from the love of God first, which makes the difficult inconvenient aspects of love, such as forgiveness and discernment of the good, readily endured. The second aspect, the good itself to be willed or chosen, must answer the question “what is their good?” This, too, is informed by our love for God, noting both who/how He loves them and what is the ultimate good/flourishing of the human person, each incorporating a sense of eternal destiny. As ministers, this is the primary mode by which we are called to love our fellow Children of God.[14] If the latter is the general, eternal, and objectively verifiable goods, the particular, momentary, and subjective goods remain. This takes great intentionality, knowledge of the person/their context through effective communication and understanding i.e. their maturity, their personality, their interests, the role in their life one plays, one’s own virtue, and the tenderness and compassion examined in the prior paragraph, thereby applying all of Christ’s commands (1 Corinthians 13:4-7, Philippians 2:4, James 1:19, Galatians 6:2, 2 Peter 1:5-7, Colossians 3:12). Sometimes love is irascible, meaning that it may require something of us which is not always foreseeably simple, or may require self-control and intentional discernment. Each of these aspects draws upon God’s grace and one’s affection for the particular other. Once love is understood as such, one should, then, help the Children of God understand that a loving act is pure and good when its intention is simply to love (will another's good for their sake), the action or object itself is good, and is appropriate in the circumstances.[15] All of this should be considered a part of the definition of love. Establishing a framework for responsibility for their actions makes the Children of God more engaged, even those with attention disorders, and helps them see the reality of their actions.[16] Ultimately, the purpose of these aspects of this "loving the youth" approach to youth ministry is to guide them in understanding objective truths that are essential components of a genuine relationship, under which the subjective aspects flourish.

Third, youth should be engaged with the joy, truth, goodness, and beauty of the Gospel. Although the previous points focused on the material and formal aspects of evangelization in educating for human formation, this point considers the efficient cause i.e. God’s grace and the minister’s relationship with God. Our own social-emotional formation is essential in order that we may convey it both materially and formally. The object of a minister’s love is the education of the ignorant as mentioned above (Proverbs 22:6; Matthew 18:6). Naturally, then the content of truth is essential, namely, Christ Himself (Matthew 19:14). The respective program determines the circumstance, but the intention is where variability in goodness can lie, both for the Child of God and the minister. This is where joy needs to serve its role, if a minister cannot be joyful (as opposed to unstable, sad, or angry), then neither will the Child of God be motivated to receive that which does not apparently produce/concern joy (Matthew 19:14).[17] Ministers should catalyze and present the joyful and life-giving environment of the Church, which they would ideally partake in, flowing naturally from a heart transformed by God’s grace and intentionally aimed at extending His Kingdom.[18] Ministers are called to embody Catholic education by helping Children of God come to know Christ deeply, fostering an environment where they grow in love, service, and responsibility, and guiding them to be active witnesses of the Gospel in both words and actions.[19] The Child of God's motivation should go beyond simply engaging with attention; it should also involve internalizing and reflecting on what the minister communicates. Thus, initial apathetic skepticism, which correlates to popular existentialist relativism, must be overcome by the recipient's genuine encounter of God and the goodness and beauty Christ embodies within humanity, which ideally a minister would give expression to. Having an established framework can help the Child of God be engaged and allow the minister’s role to be clear and simple, instead of arbitrary.[20]

In conclusion, love cannot be lived without truth nor can truth be lived without love. Ministers must be formed by their experiences in pursuit of God and His will, knowing God’s love, so that they may offer it to those they share the truth, goodness, and beauty of the Gospel with. Ministers must take this charge with deepest solemnity because the souls they are entrusted with cannot be offered something the minister does not have. In doing so, they should be equipped to help guide the youth in their successes and struggles as they pursue their One True Lover, making Him their One True Love. Children of God should not be shamed for their lack of virtue or understanding. They should be coached lovingly to follow Christ evermore closely and love Him evermore earnestly, neither forsaking what is true nor attempting to understand what is true without genuinely encountering God’s love. By integrating these elements, youth ministers can guide young people toward a lifelong communion with Christ and the Church, enabling them to overcome cultural barriers to meaningful relationships. A relational approach to youth ministry, grounded in love, truth, and beauty, possesses the power to awaken a new generation to encounter and embody the joy of the Gospel, enabling them to become the light of the world as they are called, by drawing near to and radiating their love of God. As such the Church cannot forget that She is here for no task other than love nor is the Kingdom built of bricks but people (1 Corinthians 12:27).

“Little children, I am with you only a little longer. You will look for me; and as I said to the Jews so now I say to you, ‘Where I am going, you cannot come.’ I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:33-35).

“Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything that I have commanded you. And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age” (Matthew 28:19-20).

Written by Carter Carruthers

FN:

1. John Paul II, Address on the Pastoral Letter to the Bishops of Bordeaux and Poitiers: The Church's Mission in the Spiritual Formation and Evangelization of Youth (13 February 2004), §5.; John Paul II, Apostolic Exhortation on the Bishop, Servant of the Gospel of Jesus Christ for the Hope of the World Pastores gregis (16 October 2003), §53.
2. Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2nd ed. (Washington, DC: United States Catholic Conference, 2000), 257.
3. CCC, 1822.; Thomas Aquinas, Summa theologiae, I-II, q. 26, a. 4, at New Advent, www.newadvent.org.
4. Sarah Ann Lackey, “The Role of Relationship-Based Care in Developing Empathy Through Vulnerability: Visual Cues for Conversation and Change,” Creative Nursing 26, no. 4 (2020): e97.; Francis, Apostolic Exhortation on the Growth in Personal Vocation to Young People Christus vivit (25 March 2019), §291-298.
5. Yang, Hongfei, Chenzhi Huang, Carolyn Maccann, Yujin He, Haixia Jiang, and Guoqing Yu. "Development and Initial Validation of the Positive and Negative Co-Rumination Scale." Psychological Reports (2023).
6. Second Vatican Council, Dogmatic Constitution on the Church in the Modern World Gaudium et spes (7 December 1965), §24.
7. American Psychological Association. “Dictionary of Psychology: Inclusion.” at American Psychological Association, (1 January 2020,) at https://dictionary.apa.org/
8. Qi, Xiang, Wei Zhang, Katherine Wang, Yaolin Pei, and Bei Wu. "Social Isolation and Psychological Well-Being Among Older Chinese Americans: Does Resilience Mediate the Association?" International Journal of Geriatric Psychiatry 37, no. 8 (August 2022).
9. Benedict XVI, Pastoral Letter on the Pastoral Letter to the Catholics of Ireland: Path to Healing and Renewal (20 March 2010), §12.
10. Benedict XVI, Encyclical Letter on the Christian Love Deus caritas est (25 December 2005), §6.
11. CCC, 2690.
12. Donatella Marazziti, Stefania Palermo, and Federico Mucci, "The Science of Love: State of the Art," Advances in Experimental Medicine and Biology 1331 (2021): 249–254
13. CCC, 1822.; ST, I-II, q. 28, a. 1.
14. CCC, 1822.
15. CCC, 1697, 1750.
16. Jennifer Elizabeth Sanders, Investigating Whether Teacher Provided Structure and Autonomy Support Predict Engagement for New Zealand Children of God with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (PhD diss., ProQuest Dissertations & Theses, 2015), 90.
17. Caroline Fulton, Building Teachers’ Emotional Competence: A Transactional Training Model (PhD diss., ProQuest Dissertations & Theses, 2019), 55.; Rocio Dresser and Jolynn Asato, "Coaching, Not Correcting: An Alternative Model for Minority Children of God," Multicultural Education, 22 nol. 1 (2014), 49.
18. Benedict XVI, Pastoral Letter on the Pastoral Letter to the Catholics of Ireland: Path to Healing and Renewal, §12.
19. 1.     John Paul II, Address on the Speech to High School Children of God gathered at the Madison Square Garden (3 October 1979).; Christus vivit, §30.
20. 2.      Jennifer Elizabeth Sanders, Investigating Whether Teacher Provided Structure and Autonomy Support Predict Engagement for New Zealand Children of God with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (PhD diss., ProQuest Dissertations & Theses, 2015), 90.