Building a Marriage on the Foundation of Communion and Love

In a world where individualism often reigns supreme, the bonds of marriage are frequently undermined by societal values that promote personal freedom over communal responsibility. The rise in divorce rates reflects a cultural shift away from the enduring commitment that marriage requires. Let us attempt to invert the post on divorce so that we can see what Christian families are called to. Jesus's teaching on the house built on a solid foundation versus a house divided against itself serves as a poignant reminder of the need for stability and unity in our relationships (Matthew 7:24-27; Mark 3:25). Just as a strong foundation is essential for a house to withstand the storms of life, a marriage built on mutual love, respect, and the teachings of Christ is vital for a thriving and holy family life.

The Sacred Union of Marriage

Marriage, as the most profound union that human beings can achieve, transcends mere physical connection. It is a sacramental bond that mirrors the relationship between Christ and His Church. As St. Thomas Aquinas notes, "The sacrament of marriage signifies the union of Christ and the Church, which is a great sacrament" (Summa Theologiae, III, Q. 65, Art. 1). This union is meant to be indissoluble, reflecting the eternal and unbreakable love that God has for His people (Ephesians 5:31-32; Genesis 2:24).

The Catechism of the Catholic Church underscores this sacramental nature of marriage: "The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life, is by its nature ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring" (CCC 1601)¹. Divorce, therefore, is a grave offense against the dignity of marriage, as it seeks to sever the very bond that God has established. As Pope John Paul II emphasized in Familiaris consortio, "The communion between God and His people finds a meaningful expression in marriage, in so far as the love between husband and wife is a reflection of the absolute and unfailing love with which God loves humankind" (Familiaris consortio, 19)².

Discernment in marriage is crucial for honoring its sacred meaning and more than preventing divorce, making it a holy and sanctifying communion amid spouses, children, and communities. Jesus Himself taught the importance of this discernment, noting that not all are called to marriage, and those who must understand the weight of their commitment (Matthew 19:10-12)¹¹. Once married, the focus should be on nurturing the relationship rather than longing for alternatives, because this can lead to destruction and pain within the family. The Church, through Amoris laetitia, also calls for a renewed understanding of the importance of marriage: "Marriage is the icon of God’s love for us. Indeed, God is also communion: the Trinity is a communion of love, and the family is its living reflection" (Amoris laetitia, 71)⁵. No one is married only to satisfy their sexual desires and has a healthy marriage on the contrary, married couples and those seeking marriage should focus on the whole of the communion of which sex is merely a singular expression. Other expressions of love and fostering of communion should involve the study of the faith together, the occasional fraternal correction, and the offering of oneself where there is need in other, in ways emotional, financial, spiritual, psychological to a point, etc.

The Impact on Children with some recap

The effects of divorce on children are profound and far-reaching, disrupting their formation in love and holiness. Psychological studies have consistently shown that children of divorce are more likely to experience anxiety, depression, and difficulties in forming their own stable relationships. The Catechism acknowledges this, stating that "children [are] traumatized by the separation of their parents and often torn between them" (CCC 2385)⁷.

Children of divorce often face a crisis of faith, as the breakdown of their family can lead them to question the authenticity of their parents' beliefs. The faith community's response—or lack thereof—can either exacerbate or alleviate this crisis. As the Compendium of the Social Doctrine of the Church explains, "The family, founded on marriage, is the place where parents become their children's first teachers in the faith" (Compendium, 221)¹. When this foundational relationship is broken, the child's understanding of God’s love can become distorted, making it difficult for them to trust in the Church or in God's promises.

Moreover, the disruption of family dynamics caused by divorce can leave children feeling abandoned and pressured to take on adult responsibilities prematurely. Studies show that children of divorced parents are four times more likely to get divorced themselves, perpetuating a cycle of broken relationships¹². The Church, recognizing the gravity of this situation, teaches that "the family is the original cell of social life" and that its disintegration has serious implications for society as a whole (CCC 2207)⁸.

Inversely, we should recognize that since the above suggests "if damage to the familial communion, then damage to the child" that "If no damage to the familial communion, then no damage to the child". This is a valid conclusion; however, it falls short of describing the best understanding of what ought to be concerning the family. We are not simply looking to not damage the child but to raise them well. Although. We can understand the relationship from these statements: "As the familial communion, so the child." A child is held together, formed, and nurtured and is : thenot only conceived by the bond of the parents. The content of that bond informs the child how he/she ought to perceive him or herself, how to interact with the opposite sex, what it means to be an adult, how one is to act in public and in private, how to love, how to pray, how to think, etc. This is the gravity of parenthood, that the child becomes what the parents are. As much as divorce can damage, familial communion can produce.

The Dignity of the Human Person

Divorce undermines the dignity of man, which is fundamentally based on his calling to communion with God and others. In breaking the marital bond, a person not only betrays their spouse but also wounds their own soul, as the sacrament of marriage is a reflection of the divine love that God offers to each of us. As St. Paul writes, "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her" (Ephesians 5:25).. This love is not conditional or temporary but is meant to be a lifelong commitment that mirrors Christ's sacrificial love.

The Church teaches that the dignity of the human person is rooted in their vocation to love and communion (CCC 1604)¹. When a marriage is dissolved, this vocation is gravely threatened, as the individual is no longer living in accordance with the love to which they are called. Amoris laetitia reminds us that "no family drops down from heaven perfectly formed; families need constantly to grow and mature in the ability to love" (Amoris laetitia, 325)⁶. This growth requires grace, conversion, and a commitment to the sacramental life.

Inversely, as with the previous point, we can find the positive through the negative. Real marriage, with pure (un-lustful) sex, with pro-life values, treating each other and children as gifts, etc. are that which uphold dignity. Read more on this in the Theology of the Body. We tend to only think of the value of human life with respect to material life, but what about immaterial life (Matthew 10:28)?

Refuting Modern Claims

In contrast to the prevailing views of modern society, which often downplay the seriousness of divorce and promote a relativistic approach to marriage, the Church upholds the indissolubility of marriage as a cornerstone of human dignity and social stability. The notion that personal happiness and fulfillment can be found outside the bounds of a committed vocation is fundamentally flawed, as true joy and peace are found in living out God's plan for our lives. As Jesus said, "What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate" (Mark 10:9)¹⁰.

The wisdom literature of the Bible also offers valuable insights into the nature of familial relationships. Proverbs 3:3-4 instructs, "Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man"¹³. This call to steadfast love and fidelity is echoed throughout Scripture, emphasizing the importance of commitment and respect in family life.

Psychological research supports the Church's teachings by showing that stable, loving marriages contribute to better mental health, stronger family bonds, and a more resilient society. Studies indicate that children raised in intact families tend to succeed academically, socially, and emotionally. Research highlights that children with married biological parents receive numerous benefits, including better emotional and physical health, higher academic scores, and economic advantages[2][4]. Additionally, marriage is associated with better mental health and social stability, reinforcing the idea that family is the bedrock of society[3][4]. (See additional citations below)

In conclusion, God's prohibition of divorce is not merely a restriction but a protection of the sacred bond of marriage, the well-being of children, and the dignity of the human person. The Church's teachings, grounded in Scripture and Tradition, call us to build our marriages on the solid foundation of Christ's love, to nurture our families with care and commitment, and to resist the temptations of a culture that seeks to undermine these truths. By living out the vocation of marriage with fidelity and grace, we participate in the divine communion and reflect the love of God to the world.

"My dove, my perfect one, is the only one,

the darling of her mother,

flawless to her that bore her.

The maidens saw her and called her happy;

the queens and concubines also, and they praised her." (Song of Songs of Solomon 6:9)

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