Confession: The Call to Forgiveness Pt. 1

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Apologies that this will be a long post, but it is a big topic.

I have heard this question twice from people in my life, and I have also found myself on the other side of it. So, to paraphrase in a more pointed way: "How, in God's good justice, can He forgive you for hurting me—especially when I do my best to abide by His rules and love Him—while, when something befalls me, I am told to forgive and surrender it, yet He just forgives?" A loaded question, no doubt! In fact, it echoes the Epicurean philosophy of the day—one that everyone condemns when it is used against them, yet many justify when they themselves seek to be forgiven. So, let’s answer it. However, I must say there are misconceptions embedded in this question, which means we will need to consider multiple aspects. This requires nuance—something often undesirable when suffering is already present.

Let’s break this down and examine it properly by separating the question into broader inquiries:

  1. What is the real narrative of life?
  2. What is the nature of forgiveness?
  3. What is God's forgiveness?
  4. What does (sacramental or direct to God) confession do and what does it not do?
  5. Am I really understanding what God is getting at concerning love?
  6. What do we think lies ahead concerning our sins for us, and the offended? What is our job?
If we think someone can be free and clear post-sin without experiencing negative effects, we are wrong. Forgiveness and reconciliation are not a once-done-with-one-done-with-everyone reality. God's forgiveness is not permission, approval, or choice against the offender. Confessing sins only reconciles one with God and this reconciliation does not exonerate one of the consequences of sin except for eternal consequence. If I am the offended party of my own or someone else's sins, I should understand that we did not get to this point because good is clear and easy to choose always and the whole Gospel must be referenced. We are called to will what is good, and there is no good clearer to choose nor more accessible than amends for our sins i.e. undoing insofar as possible the damage we have done.

First, what is the real narrative of life? Here it is, in rhyme:

God made us for love, His life to share,
Sin broke the bond, bringing despair.
Through prophets, priests, and covenants of old,
He prepared the way for His plan to unfold.

In fullness of time, He sent us His Son,
Redeemer and Savior, the Holy One.
By grace, we return, our hearts realigned,
In Christ’s covenant, salvation we find.

His Spirit calls us, His children to be,
Heirs of His life for eternity.
Through His Church, His love and mission expand,
Repent, seek God—the Kingdom’s at hand!
What does this have to do with our topic of forgiveness? Well, this is truly the only real battle in life, to be purified of one's sins and be brought back into a relationship with God (2 Corinthians 7:1, 1 John 1:9). It is the whole of God's efforts to court our souls in this way (Hosea 2:19-20, John 6:44). The problem with being at home with one's sins, comfortable with one's attainment of virtue, and friends with one's demons is that one's own breach of morality is felt to be the only forgivable because of this struggle, and all the offenses that have ever been committed against us are the reason we do struggle and so are truly the unforgivable (Proverbs 16:2, Luke 18:9-14). Still worse, it stops shy of connecting us with the fact that our so-called aggressors feel the same way about their sins (Matthew 7:3-5, Romans 2:1). (The opposite extreme, i.e. still not virtue, is taking all the blame and doing nothing with it.) We live in an atheistic culture that is for every breach of the moral order, especially the popular ones like anything "sexual," yet condemns the people for choosing something with poor consequences, especially if the one it offends is popular or popularly understood as the victim in any scene (Isaiah 5:20, Romans 1:28-32). Yes, we live in a have-your-cake-eat-it-too-and-condemn-your-neighbor-for-it culture (James 4:4, Matthew 23:27-28). However, if we consider sin in a truly Christian sense, we understand that poor choices bring poor results, and although our brokenness is real, so are these facts (Galatians 6:7-8, Romans 6:21-23). The reality, the whole reality, is that we struggle against at least with convenient evils, which if pursued consistently turn into addiction, which is self-destruction [1] (Romans 7:15-20, John 8:34). Sin on any level is self-destruction, to it we are prone, and surrendering to grace is the only thing that can save us from ourselves [2] (Ephesians 2:8-9, Titus 3:5). If one does not see the truth in these things or refuses to, it is because they are indeed at home with their sins (John 3:19-20, 2 Timothy 4:3-4). Repenting our sins and making amends opens one's heart to mercy for others (Luke 6:36-37, Matthew 5:7). Nobody has any right to condemn others for their sins, but it is against the good of their soul to permit the illusion of support for those sins; the past cannot be changed, yet what does going forward look like? [3] (John 8:11, Ezekiel 18:30-32). Negative consequences arise from acts lacking goodness [4] (Proverbs 1:31, Romans 2:6-8).

Second, there are many misconceptions about forgiveness. Here are several:
  1. Forgiveness requires forgetting the offense.
  2. Forgiving excuses or condones the behavior.
  3. Forgiveness eliminates consequences.
  4. Reconciliation is necessary for forgiveness.
  5. The offender must apologize or deserve forgiveness.
  6. Forgiveness invalidates your pain or loyalty to others hurt by the offender.
Forgiveness is not a free pass; it does not deny that a past offense has caused damage—damage that can, and often is, felt in the present (Romans 6:23, Galatians 6:7). It is far from condoning the behavior but instead sees the offender as distinct from the offense (Ezekiel 18:23, Luke 23:34). It has no bearing on what boundaries are prudent nor on the natural implications of behavior (Proverbs 22:3, Matthew 10:16). It does not require interaction with the offender, nor does it necessitate a relationship with them (Proverbs 4:14-15, 2 Timothy 3:5). Apologies, although ideal, are not required—forgiveness is for reconciliation, and sometimes people fail to even recognize what they have done (Luke 17:3-4, Matthew 18:21-22). It does not mean taking sides, nor does it invalidate one's often valid sense of pain from an offense (Psalm 34:18, Romans 12:19). [See all citations] In this way, forgiveness is one's own permission to move forward—more for one’s own good than the offender’s—pursuing healing, which lies beyond simply assigning blame where it is apparently due (Colossians 3:13, Isaiah 43:18-19). It is an appeal to the Heavenly Court, done by grace, where the appellant is the offended, and the appellee is the offender (Hebrews 4:16, Psalm 9:8). However impenitent the offender may be, it is unreasonable to assume that they are not already receiving the consequences of their actions (Proverbs 11:31, Galatians 6:7). This act of appeal and surrender must also apply to us when we sin, for forgiveness is about following the best possible reality going forward—one in which we are not burdened by the judgment of our neighbors' souls (Matthew 7:1-2, Romans 14:10-12).[5] Certainly, we do not seek our own justice so that they feel our pain or so that their reaction is visible (Luke 6:35, Matthew 6:14-15). When we sin, we sin against ourselves (1 Corinthians 6:18, Proverbs 8:36). When we sin against others, we reveal our own brokenness, which is then brought all the more to the forefront of our consciousness—to be addressed by God (Mark 7:20, Psalm 51:3-4). Sin is real, it is inherently negative, and it always costs life (Romans 6:23, James 1:15). Forgiveness is the only thing that overcomes it (Ephesians 1:7, Luke 6:37). Grace—and all our efforts to receive and cooperate with it, inspired by it—is the only thing that heals the wounds and renders them inert in our conduct, lest we compound our issues (2 Corinthians 12:9, Hebrews 12:15). [6]


FN:
I am a created entity, not a person.

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